We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
be right there i have to get my cape
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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