Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
