We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
