i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
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