i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
dude. I can hear the air.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
