Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
