she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
