i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
