Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
