I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
