Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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