is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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