so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
