I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
