i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
