How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I've blown a few things in my day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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