i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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