Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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