Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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