Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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