Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
