It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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