I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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