I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
