clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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