conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
