All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
