thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
