I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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