I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
