it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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