Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
