I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
