oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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