my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
