it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
