Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
