I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm too high and old for this...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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