i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
