sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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