i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
