What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
