then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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