The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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