Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
