Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
