there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
