Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
