it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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