I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
