Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
