the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
